SMELL THE COFFEE: ; It's like having a permanent mullet

Geoff and I had been married barely a week when he realized hisplatinum wedding band was missing. We'd known it didn't fit as tightas it should, but thought it was snug enough - and heavy enough -that he'd notice if it slipped off.

It did. And he didn't.

Ring No. 2 - white gold from a pawn shop - fit far more snugly.Once Geoff struggled it over his knuckle, that ring didn't budge.Some time (and perhaps a few pounds) later, the ring began tostrangle his finger. He greased and wiggled it off.

Then promptly lost it.

Ring No. 3 - stainless steel, from an upscale gumball machine -lasted the longest. (Though it's generally believed that qualitylasts, I think ugly lasts longer. Buy something that's unattractive,but reasonably priced - it lasts for years. Indulge in niceearrings, they're lost in a week.)

"If I manage to lose this ring," Geoff said of this last, "thenI'm just going to get a ring tattooed on my finger."

And, yeah. He's now soliciting recommendations for a tattooartist.

While not passionately opposed to tattoos, I'm also not a hugefan. I've seen how the effects of pregnancy can alter a once cutelinked double heart into something that resembles the footprints ofan oversized duck. What seems like a good idea at 20 is almost neverwhat a 40-year-old would select.

Rather than being a display of a person's individuality and theiridea of what qualifies as art, tattoos seem to cause the person tobe stuck at the age they were when they got it. There was a timewhen mullets were all the rage. I think of tattoos as having apermanent mullet.

I've heard some reputable tattoo artists will try to discouragepeople from having a name inked to their skin, but the heat ofpassion can make them hard to discourage.

There are websites devoted to the creativeness some have employedto disguise or cover tattoos. Oddee.com has pictures of one man whohad the name Tracy etched into the skin right over his heart. Afterthey broke up, he had a second tattoo put on - large red lettersspelling out "VOID."

Actor Johnny Depp once had "Winona Forever" tattooed on his arm,but after they broke up, had the "na" removed so it now reads, "WinoForever."

Aaron Evans of Bristol, England, must've thought he'd be safegetting a neck tattoo of his own name, rather than a girlfriend's.As if his name wasn't enough, he had his birth date added beneathit. Both were clearly visible on the video the security camerarecorded of him breaking into a car.

While surfing the Internet looking at funny tattoos, I ran acrossa blog called Buried with Children, written by a nurse who works inadult critical care. She wrote about going into a patient's roomwith another nurse named Judy to give the patient a bath. Thepatient, a woman, had a tattoo on her stomach that said, "Frank's,"along with an arrow that pointed downward.

The nurses completed their task without comment, then set thepatient up for breakfast when a man walked in who the patient saidwas her husband.

"Oh, hi," said Judy. "You must be Frank."

The man looked confused and then said, "No. My name is Jimmy."

I imagine that patient regretted ever getting the "Frank" tattoo.

But didn't regret it as much as that nurse.

Reach Karin Fuller at karinfuller@gmail.com.